Is devastating, terrifying and it brings me to a second cry and sob. When I tried to wrap my brain around this message, I wanted to speak with my friend Lori. My best friend with stage IV breast cancer and presented his Geneviève all could support each other. (I know I have written it before Lori and how connected immediately after our first 3 hours I find conversation phone post just now can't fight all these words out). Lori and gene have children, and I know that they had an extraordinary for this connection. I call LORRI, but all I could do was to write an email to her, because she went through a very difficult period with his latest series. She decides to take care of in Mexico, because it responded to chemotherapy by his medical team in the States. Luckily once I saw my email Lori I remembered of Mexico last Saturday so that the two can bemoan the loss of genes. Of course, even if we were still in shock after hearing the genetic past, I wanted to see how Lori. Communicated through text messages and Facebook, gene and other four young amazing women with stage IV disease, they did a small of the wonderful caring group, but it was wonderful to hear his voice. It was filled with hope and optimism, and on the other hand, I am glad that she had the decision taken by the latter. They were negotiating with a growth of liver metastases which was uncomfortable, swollen belly with her, but his medical team did everything to help solve. After a while, I told him I loved him and thought that she couldn't wait until he began to feel better. Now, I feel things could now more different - a week later. last week, my friend has been a deterioration of their State of health, beautiful and brave. every day, our group of countless friends texts you send an update and support of the other and each day it seems worse than before. Lori was in my heart and in my mind every minute of the day of the last week. I'd love to see an update from positive on my emergency phone, but then I have time while I try a patient at work, for fear that he could read the fear on all messages. I try to be when I think about everything, a happy face and my normal, even if he wants to survive to this friend. Yesterday, Center of Lori sent a message that we said that he left the Mexico and led a San Diego treatment, because his condition had become an emergency situation, the additional care required. Is in liver failure, not to eat, have difficulty breathing. our hearts sank. I woke up this morning today at 03.40 with a horrible feeling in the stomach. I checked my phone, but no update. While the back of my head on the pillow, my cell phone vibration mode, I received an email. In fact, her husband there is an update to Lorris. Was not good. He suffered a heart attack, his platelets are nothing against a heart attack, is in serious danger of bleeding, difficulty breathing, liver is to give. His family and his fly cm children are devastated. I feel evil deaf in anger-fear. How is this possible? How can I get my two best friends in so little time to lose. and it feels fast. Lori was just parachuting a few months ago, while the gene was for a trip to the Grand Canyon. Do not include it. I feel sorry for their families and friends. I'm sad because our group of friends, to these new, cocoons, as recovering from brain surgery because the Mets trying like crazy to another, thanks to a clinical trial and the other for their lives takes also care of her husband with IV stage lung cancer while living with stage IV disease. Is too. How to treat, positive, optimistic and sure of my illness to remain, so that my friends in exactly the same table? I know all our situations are different, but it's terrible but. as her husband on how already missed a message from gene read nice girlfriend and best friend and I think you write a similar message at a time determined by Mike in the street. I live so grateful as well and at the same time feel that superstito of debt, so that my friends in combat, to hang out and then I'm dismayed to discover that the last good news is not sufficient for me. ? Then, how you live? with these thoughts through my mind and weigh on your heart. I do my best to take, at the minute, but I'm very sad. It's crazy. I have never exceeded the stadium before angry, but now I do. Bored people to act, to take these measures against this disease, which, at the same time, dying to see my friends. It bothers me that their sweet babies whose mother and selfless can develop. It bothers me that it must do a lot more of life. Me upset which despite everything humanly possible and are looking for the best medical treatment available for the disease, however, the world of these beautiful women. Rob, for your prayers for my dear friend, I asked you to LORRI. Please pray that suffers no step - is your tired body and have moments of peace with her husband and children. Pray for the family of genes that are trying to go back and face a life without his presence on Earth. Please pray for Mike and I rest all fighting. I know I said it's a roller coaster, and I know there are ups and downs. This is one of the lower slopes which, even experienced, and I am struggling for support. I'm so afraid, if fast, this happened to my friends and it is impossible not on my situation let go in my mind. Let us pray for our consoled hearts, our leaders will be relaxed, and we continue to do our best to live the moment. Finally, please be good, or that it must maintain a positive attitude and none of us knows when it is time to tell me not. So with me at all, you know that I am positive and optimistic. But if at all, you know this disease is very real and very deadly, very unpredictable. It is not good for me, or will never be good. each day is a kind of physical or emotional struggle, I will do my best to pass through. Live, face death every day, even though I don't see very well alive and it seems that I am doing well. Also, thank you to do now and what I liked so much debt even this idea, but I need to be able to publish it somewhere. I am grateful that I live life to the fullest, I can go to work, I can spend time with family and friends, which can renew our new house with Mike, but this does not mean that these thoughts and fears are every day, especially in difficult times not the times when my friends both suffer. Thanks for the support, not only in good times, but especially in the difficult moments, when I need it most. XOXO, Megps I can not kick enough my good best friends could wait for some time to thank. We had our annual girls weekend last week and was exactly what I needed. There was that I found myself constantly check my phone to see if there are updates of Lori, could spend some real time quality with friends for me, since I am in the 7th grade-laugh as much damage and love as only true friends. You all mean so much to me. . It is certainly the longest, once I went without updating the blog. I am sorry that some of you do. I began to feel more and more comments, I hope everything is going well-no has not updated his blog in a long time. I assure you that you can like something good and fair to say that my busy life and my effort, it is not cancer. Although it is not a day that passes this escape. months or something so it was full - we celebrated my birthday (and 2 ° Cancerversary), employs Mike began his baseball season, shoots are picking up and we bought a House. It! We are very happy and near our House: the second week of April. Mike and his best friend, Justin has already released a ton of House. Launched some renovations and can't wait to see it come together. We live in the home of Doug and my mother until the conversion is completed more. It is a moment exciting for us and we are grateful that favorite area - took refuge in ours, where we have more space, less noise and are surrounded by deer and manages all types of fine wildlife.all, but only 20 minutes from my mother, I'm 10 minutes from Karmanos satellite and even closer to work. I think that all of them are written in our process of renewal (a part-time work has become in!)-knowledge that we document my trusted camera. :) We always have a good feeling, and I appreciate it is no longer. My hot flashes are a real problem of recent times and has had to contend with insomnia for a while now. I know that insomnia is very common in patients with cancer and despite what really have insomnia, not the last time that I remember sleeping throughout the night. My back feels good, and I am grateful to be able to work with a minimum of pain-exercise, but always when he starts to remind you in this regard and must rely. I saw my oncologist, Dr. F on my birthday and was pleased with what I'm doing. He agrees with my thoughts that we must follow the course, only with my current treatment while working. I'm still in my meds by mouth, but also my monthly injections in my belly. Dr F was what could come to say that I need to talk to him for 12 weeks (instead of 8), i.e. "scans even at 9 months instead of 6. Although the idea of love, it is not necessary to see 12 weeks arranged because scans to push nine-month back. the idea of fear, now only with a time of 6 months. I have friends who has checked all 3 months and are frightening to me how much has changed in this short period of time with her illness, so I want to go too long between my exams. I am happy to close it, quite well for him. and what you should watch for 12 weeks before, if it is given once I saw him each week makes me think very happy, happy and grateful. My next round of exams is scheduled for June and I'll do under the results of 13 when I see Dr. f. naturally through additional prayers at the time, exploring so thanks in advance for this. :) Thanks to grow, words of encouragement and prayers for my dear friend, Jeanne is offered, I wrote up in my last post and for all my children of the Mets. He was unaware that, although he had written in reality, as the last post, last Jeanne. I learned in the morning, my next birthday. It was very difficult for many of us, soft, he said, but thank you, it is a better place and I could finally rest your tired body. I hope that everything goes well. Thanks for your continued love and support. XOXO, Meghanps team meeting Meghan Malley involved once the race Detroit for healing. Visit us at May 18 (even if not officially registered). You can find more information here. . How beautiful a Domingo de Pascua was today!I think it is safe to say that came finally officially spring. I thank God for this. If the Sun is shining and I can feel the warmth of the face, increased my mind immediately. I was sitting in church this morning and he celebrated the day of Saint, I couldn't help think how grateful there was too much. Three years ago I wore days, including Easter Sunday until after my first cycle of chemotherapy was horrible in bed. Sometimes, it seems as if it was yesterday - and sometimes, it seems another life. last month celebrated my birthday 32, and two days later, I celebrated my Cancerversary 3. It is always an exciting time for me full of reflection, gratitude and grief. I can not believe all that I have to suffer, physically and emotionally - and even if it is rare to get a pat on the back to give, with so much pride, they tell me everything I could cross. Some days are harder than others, but I managed to overcome them. Here what 23 March is divided into Facebook. Three years ago today my world changed forever after the receipt of this message felt a death sentence. In recent years has not been easy, but I can say that I have experienced more joy and happiness that I never thought would be possible. I learned to never give up and do something with my life. Life is too short, it sounds like a cliche, until the circumstances oblige to account how it true so it's what counts!Thanks to my amazing family and friends to be there with me every step of the way. And my amazing husband, Mike you never leave the good and the bad of my site. I could not do without God, I thank you for you every day. Thank you! for all the birthday love, I'm very grateful celebrate another year and age. permission denied for many. . How is that time passes only in an eye blink? All of a sudden, we are at the end of another year. Surprised several times to me quickly life-roles, no matter what we do. I think that's a good thing in many respects. Help get us in these difficult times, until finally we weight to up early and feel the sun shine on better days. As I am here, they reflect this year, I feel a mixture of emotions and thoughts to finish everything in a crucial message. Resistance. The year was filled with many ups and downs - this is true for us all - but especially these last time seems to drag down, deeper and more frequent. We had a lot of blessings, including a new explorations additional home and countless memories with family and friends. But this year our faith has brought many challenges for us emotionally and confidence in the plan that God has for us. over the past months have been the biggest challenge for me with emotion my first diagnosis. due to a variety of subjects that I reached a new low and fought until the joy each day. for the first time, I asked him if it was a punishment for something. I felt an overwhelming feeling that constantly suoniamo down and anxiety after the anguish, immutable and it seemed that they had received around us abundant blessing and joy. Is a dark and lonely place. as I have worked in these moments, I found myself who fill our lives forever with pain and sadness. Life has influenced our lives in countless ways with this disease, which many are now starting to understand and experience. physical wear is heavy, but the emotional cost is often unbearable. I recently heard that if this power to a very selfish feeling person-statistics oriented as sad is there for what its future will be as ever that I ever thought it would be. I have was a slippery slope, sadness and guilt and could see, background, I pulled Mike as he was. His door one aspect is positive a low effective, that there is no other remedy that should be. to book the slow increase of light and darkness. Allows time to reflect, evaluate and their life compass on the way back, favorite for the visit. Not only like a cathartic tool share these personal struggles, but also help me to remember that it's OK if I can feel grateful, positive and optimistic at 100% of the time. I've struggled with guilt and feel like a fraud if I suffer from these difficult times, because many of you still think positive and I like a happy. I am trying to publish these chains, as I live, I have to be thankful to all the costs-tie, because I lost friends, with me in a blink of eye would you share the feeling I have. Learn, because I'm in the place of stay in remission, the collateral damage of this disease, not me - and it is good and fully human, in moments of despair, sadness and pain also. I'm stronger than ever, I imagined recognizing-se-but sometimes this life is so very difficult. Life is forbearance. Returns the good times but unable to practice surfing, if get you ripped off with his face in the sand. You will learn how to brush and go out to try to get back to this wave of happiness. Because ultimately, the moments of pleasure value every second of defeat and despair, that you find while they are. -They are sand and surf in the brain? :) This will be because Mike and California, the day after Christmas. to say that I am, without a doubt is an understatement. We wanted to have this car and travel along the Pacific Coast Highway years and I am happy that we take the time to do so. It is a gift that you can give life with the disease. If you realize that push somehow, their hopes and their dreams, they have the opportunity, become reality. do it today. do it now. You never know what tomorrow will be. We have this whole time so badly and I can't wait for the sea and the Redwoods, see and admire the sunset with Mike next to me. Not only will our anniversary 6 on this tour and new year, but a new series of great explorations. I saw week last Dr. F and found that everything goes well! Please it is very us - and to say the least. Of course, I will continue with my current drugs and scans of 6 months-no need to change. Thanks to you, that you have much to all for your prayers and your support. Scroll of these tests is mounted as a time-anxiety and your words of love of hope and encouragement means a lot to us. Thank you for this love and support in this adventure. We wish you to spend wonderful holidays with next season and how. We expect great things through the year 2014. Go to the new year! XOXO, Meg. . John lose was so tragic and unexpected - all of us who loved the hesitation. Burial in Michigan was just last Monday and it was heartbreaking and beautiful at once. Then I attended a funeral service nor only last Saturday. This time it was for a great friend who belonged to my support to the Karmanos team. My friend Susan was kind, compassionate, and courageous. He began his struggle on metastatic to here breast cancer before I did it, and we have to be friends, as soon as I started our group of young women. the celebration of his life was beautiful, but of course, it was particularly difficult to know that he died from the effects of the disease, I also with life. My breaks the heart of her husband and wonderful children. So the two early 2014 certainly trying to have moments and memories of life precious and fragile is, I feel great - apart from constantly cold in this polar vortex. It is thanks to God for the occasional hot vacuum? Like a lot of work lately and I have a large group of patients, spend time with family and friends and enjoy the occasional lazy Sunday with Mike and Wrig hibernation has been addressed by the fire. I am also grateful that I was stronger mentally and emotionally lately, especially if I can prove that other support through similar experiences. I just can't tell you how many times reception of emails, calls or messages on Facebook asked me to reach women who have been recently diagnosed, or someone who was made before recently metastatic. or often receive mail from women who came in some way in this blog are related and connected. Although I often feel guilty, that no, I can not stay that does not closely feel with all of this, I am grateful that I can try to support for others, because they are affected by a similar trip. However, it comes up with this gift, a prize. I lost, I had good friends instead of all 31 years of experience to hear whenever another survivor goes through a difficult time - fails, exploration or disturbing treatment, new adverse reactions with adverse effects on cold heart-quality of life. After the loss of Geneviève, Lori and Jen last year, asking me if I wanted to come and close with other women, why is so hard, when I lose. But it is impossible that never. Someone do a shoulder required inclination or none to speak during this return trip itinerary. and never give or anyone who want. then I tempts me in time of need, because it was too difficult. I shoot a few people outside of me after my diagnosis and is simply bad. I am not personally tested and went it was just do not know how to cope, what I had, but it is not less painful. I am really grateful to a group of friends that I have, the lives of all young women in their thirties with metastatic breast cancer. I am so thankful that we all set for her love, guidance and support, sometimes the next day. Please show love and support for those who are ill or combat or as well, but you do not know how to address chronic disease ever - you can have a positive effect. I hope you all have a longer survival, the coldest winter. I know we all certainly ready to give Michigan. I'm so excited that we are almost up to March, means that it will be spring around the corner. I am pleased to open the window, to see green grass and my beautiful garden to enjoy. Thank you for all the love and support. For those of you that I know not, but you can somehow in the blog and thank you. It would be like, could respond to each comment and message. each of them means a lot to me. Then I will put me Dr. F 13 March: seat, which I hope will be a peaceful visit. XOXO, Meghan. It is true what they say. Ideal is that you the unexpected moments. This is the time when you're still, stop kneeling completely normal day all of a sudden. some few are apparently so painful that takes your breath. Today, it was for me. He died the first day of school. one day I hope not very different from any other Tuesday morning. and maybe that makes it even more sting. that the pain-don't expect me invaded.Today was yet another reminder of the hardest part of this journey. a reminder to all that cancer has robbed me. derailed is a reminder, so deep is my life and my future at several levels. a reminder of what has led not only to me, but Mike stole. the devastating reality that has a voice call me mother and never incredible opportunities to listen father, Mike was always, would be to see. a reminder that we never received our son seize the moment in the first day of school experience. I saw, as it seemed sinister 1 million Facebook photos of small for her first day at school today, led behind the school bus out of our district and speak of their children when another school year has started to feel the excitement with my co-workers. No mind-more later, when yet another patient, as soon as I got married had requested when it is followed, I wondered if he had children. the question I always fear, namely that those only who are not, my little secret, begins with the great response c. with my fake smile often, my patient and not played, the legs of my child skin 4, something to the effect that he made a comment, wait awhile, isn't? I have this comment, along the former, you're the best start or what you expect?, or even the elderly is currently a trip easy and selfish or do other things in addition to starting a family. the question was like the salt on a wound already painful, rough side. If this is not news to me, but not only predicted today.Expect pain during certain periods as the shower baby, newborn photos, or other news of the pregnancy. I think just now I learned how to protect my heart. But I'm just amazed the day like today. similar to last night, I brought a lot of Starbucks parking lot, I saw a skin of girl kneeling on the concrete and fall. There was a moment of silence, suddenly followed his cry of a dad who hate! I've seen bushels to calm and gently, while the sweet girl enters his father's neck and began to subside, knowing that everything would be fine, now that he was here to keep. I drove this car park with tears on my face. No tears for cancer or tears for me, but I shed tears for Mike. You can never know, nor as a hero in the eyes of his son. Because what is safe. It is one of the few problems I have already mentioned in my blog and this is for several reasons. Not only it is very painful and very personal, but it is also extremely complicated. I wanted a mother all my life and the second that cai with Mike, couldn't wait to see what amazing a father for my children. It is the only thing that I waited more than one of our common future. When we begin to tackle the problems, pregnant, I thought it was the worst thing that we could cross. Then I learned that my diagnosis and I'd probably on drugs that allowed from me not pregnant for another 5 years, or even not at all, so I thought, well, what could you always remove you. and I was very happy with it. But everything changed after my diagnosis IV phase. You could write 1 million cheque stubs, seeking to express the thoughts in my head and my heart, but I have no energy. and in the depths of my fragile emotional and tired, I do not know if my true now find feelings. What I can say is that parents, who always dreamed of having children biologically, if our or not. But cancer hope not something good for us also to the adoptive parents with phase IV and of life as we in this way, we learned that, even if it was an option, what better because we couldn't be there. follow the decision to believe brings many risks and possible headaches with it, and I do not know if I'm ready envelope.We had more than our part and even if we were willing to take this risk, what is best for a child? a mother who feeds of sweep, swept with an incurable and fatal disease.When my friend Lori said: what is behind your smile? I bet that you could never imagine what lies behind me. Please note that the failure has a history. Just because someone has children, does not mean that they want desperately. and even if you adopt or could be a foster parent, does not mean that it is the right decision for them. This does not mean that they are selfish or rare or people who love is not capable, wonderful parents. Maybe it was her decision and she wanted more children - that's okay. Please note that all our situations are complex and sometimes the questions begin to heal the wounds that can barely open. Please believe me when I say that they are actually granted blessings to my friends or family members who have had a family reasons. I love documenting early in the life of a child through my photography. and part of me wants to not fully releasing the hope that her mother may one day be implemented. But after visiting the funeral of Lorris to Cleveland and see two small children, I do not know if this is true, having a child in our lives is what that is this disease will probably bring.As far as I know is that when a man who loves me and wants to always have my health above everything else. I will always be grateful. So now, I'll try to focus on the many blessings that I have. and recognizing that there is no other 364 days before the first day of school. XOXO, Meg-PS-Thanks much for your kind words about the loss of two dear friends, Lori & Geneviève. Unfortunately, it comes a Hospice from our friends, shortly after the death of Lori. My friend, Jen is truly remarkable and a single mother of an adorable child of 6 years. Keep her and her son, Corbin in your prayers, this time as peaceful and painless as possible. Thank you very much!It was wonderful, busy, emotional and difficult - was wrapped in one. Fortunately, many memories and experiences, even on weekends on torch Lake with our friends and their children. Here are some quick photos (some of my cellphone) and some of my real camera of our weekend relaxing labor day. ,,.